My Devious Little Marriage Secret

  Did Your Wife Hide the Checkbook?   

This sage advice was written for the devoted husband who has difficulty asking his wife to increase his "ham radio" allowance.

NOTE: My lovely wife, Elaine, passed away in April, 2015, just five months shy of 50 years of marital bliss. Elaine had a wonderful sense of humor, and really got a kick out of this article! I include it here, remembering her smile, and honoring the memory of a beautiful human being! (Original article written in 2011.)

My Devious Little Marriage Secret

Considering my being happily married to the same woman for 46+ years, I figure there might be a lad or two who would be interested in a little known secret I've learned. Allow me to start at the beginning.

Until recently, my wife and I used separate checking accounts. Her income went into her account, and my earnings into mine. Most of the household expenses were paid from her account, but occasionally I would pitch in a hefty chunk toward a major purchase. Since my XYL didn't take the time to pay much attention to my account, I managed to sequester a sizeable chunk of "ham radio pocket change." I ordered new equipment at my leisure, and as long as I was at the front door to greet the UPS truck, the new gear appeared on my desk with no one the wiser. No harm, no foul, right?

About two years ago we decided that balancing two accounts was too much overhead, and agreed to consolidate. I was apprehensive about the sanctity of my "easy come, easy go" radio kitty, so I throttled back my spending. Knowing that some day I'd want to go deeper into the common checking account, I decided to try a few modest amount practice runs... a couple of hundred dollars here, a couple of hundred dollars there. When all that went without comment, I began contemplating a major purchase - something like a third K3, an Alpha amplifier, or perhaps the new SteppIR DB42.

This morning, after my little sweetie went off to work, I was thumbing through the DX Engineering catalog when an incredible idea dawned! I ran to the back forty to our fruit-laden Granny Smith tree, quickly filled a huge dishpan, and within minutes I was cutting and coring. I soon had a large Dutch oven bubbling... well, let's cut to the chase. In less than one hour, I had made a three-quart batch of applesauce! Just to be clear, homemade applesauce is one of my XYL's favorites!

Right now I'm poised in the kitchen, waiting for her to open the door from the garage. Imagine her surprise at this royal welcome, "Hey honey, look what I done for love!" After she recovers from the shock and excitement of this unsolicited love-gift (I'll let her fawn over me for a few minutes.), I'll begin my approach... "You know sweetie, I was just looking at this new radio in the catalog..."

I guarantee, she'll be reaching for the checkbook before I finish the sentence!

Think about it. $5000 for one hour of work. If my math is correct, that's $5000 per hour! Seems like a no-brainer to me! Hmmm... What if I wanted something REALLY expensive?


Copyright © 2006-2022, Jim Clymer, Jr.