Anodized Chicken

  For All Field Day Cooks  

If you ever considered lending a hand with food preparation for your local Field Day, this recipe is guaranteed to attract lots of attention. My personal guarantee... You will have a blast!

Anodized Chicken
A Recipe for Field Day Culinary Success

Several decades ago, while an active part of a ham club in northern Indiana, year after year during Field Day planning, I observed the difficulty our club president had in finding volunteers to do the cooking. I further observed that the available talent pool consisted mostly of male types, with little or no experience behind a flapjack flipper!

Being an accomplished chef myself, I thought I knew the problem and a solution. I figured the problem was simply this: putting a mess of chow on a table in front of a hungry hoard of peers, undoubtedly including several whiners and complainers, was just too intimidating for someone who was already nervous about even being seen in a kitchen. The solution was this: I developed a series of recipes using terminology and ingredients that were an everyday part of any true-blooded male's reality. The icing on the cake, so to speak, was that preparation of these succulent delights required only simple hand tools, none of those fancy gadgets found in the typical female kitchen!

"Anodized Chicken", the first recipe I introduced was an instant hit! Heretofore kitchen stumblebums were consistently turning out heaps of mouth-watering, dark brown chicken. Yes, you may feel a bit insecure the first time you try this recipe, but I assure you, after a trial batch in the privacy of your own back yard, this fail-safe recipe will have you the envy of all your ham buddies. Your culinary skill will make you a perennial favorite for many a Field Day and club picnic to come! Just follow these simple directions. Here goes!

Tools You Will Need:

- metal oil collecting pan (If you don't change your own oil, you can sneak into your local ACE Hardware and when no one who might recognize you is around, ask the female sales assistant for a "heavy duty aluminum roasting pan." Don't worry if you don't know what this means. She'll know exactly what you want!)

- heavy duty jumper cables
- cordless drill with 1/8" bit
- 10" pump pliers
- pump type oil can
- heavy leather gloves
- safety goggles

Stuff You Need to Make This Recipe:

- Cut up chicken parts (Buy mostly legs and thighs, the parts that men really like. You should purchase a few breasts to satisfy the rare dude who claims to be watching his weight, calories, cholesterol, or whatever. And you may find a few ladies present. They seem to prefer white meat.) How many parts to buy? You can figure 2-3 pieces for each 225 lb. linebacker type who says he'll be there.

- Heavy duty aluminum foil
- water
- Soaking Sauce
     - more water
     - salt
     - pepper
     - 10W-40 motor oil (Quaker State multi blend seems to impart the best flavor.)

How to Make This Recipe (follow closely):

- With the drill and 1/8" bit, drill several holes about 1/2" deep into each piece of chicken. You should have 1 hole per square inch. This promotes ingress of the soaking sauce and greatly enhances flavor. (Oh, most likely the cholesterol counters above will insist that you use "skinless" chicken for their servings. This is easily accomplished. Hold the part in one hand and grab a chunk of skin at one end with the pump pliers. A good yank on the pliers and the skin will be easily removed!)

- Arrange the chicken pieces in the metal oil pan. Pour enough water over the chicken to about half cover. With the oil can, uniformly squirt Quaker State over the pieces until the chicken is a nice gray color. Sprinkle about a half a fist of salt over the pieces, and finish with a generous sprinkling of pepper. Slosh the chicken pieces around in the soaking sauce until uniformly coated. Let the pan sit at room temperature for at least 2 hours.

- Save all the soaking sauce in the oil pan. Tear off 10" wide pieces of aluminum foil - 1 piece of foil for each chicken part. Starting on the shorter side, carefully wrap each piece of chicken in the foil. You should have 2 complete wraps. Twist the ends for a tight seal. Put the wrapped parts back in the oil pan. Carefully create a "lid" for the pan with at least 2 layers of the foil.

- Prepare the cooking area. Place the pan of chicken on a non-flammable table near enough to a "battery donor" (A 4WD Hummer works very well for this.) so that your jumper cables will reach from the battery to the chicken pan. Now put on the heavy leather gloves and the safety goggles.

- You will need 2 helpers for this final step. The first helper will apply the cable clamps to the battery, and the second helper will goose the accelerator in the Hummer on cue from you. OK. On your end, grip both battery clamps firmly, one in each hand. Have helper #1 at the battery end, clamp on to the POSITIVE terminal first, then the NEGATIVE terminal. Now, you firmly attach the POSITIVE clamp on to one side of the metal chicken pan. Cue helper #2 to gently goose the engine. Quickly, but firmly attach the NEGATIVE clamp to the opposite end of the metal pan. Please note: If the Hummer engine didn't die instantly, be prepared to remove the negative clamp from the oil pan as soon as the jumper cables get very warm to the touch (about 2 seconds). If you want extra tender chicken, you could allow the chicken to steam in the pan for an additional 1 or 2 minutes.

- I know, some of you are asking, "How could the chicken possibly be cooked in just a few seconds?" Truthfully, this process took me so long to perfect, that I claim it as proprietary, intellectual property, and am hoping to patent it some day. But here is a tiny clue. Remember Ohms law? If you think about the impedance of the oil pan, and the very warm jumper cables, you might guess that my secret involves super-heated water. You would be on the right track!

That's it! Chicken is ready to serve!


Copyright © 2006-2022, Jim Clymer, Jr.